Looking back...

Before I could delve into what I have learnt over the past few years, I wanted to make a collage of the art I have done so far. And that took forever! I didn't realise I had so much art to scan in. So here goes nothing...

The collage is ordered chronologically from top to bottom, starting from 1997 through till 2010. Initially I wanted to have a line per year, but there were a couple of years for which I couldn't find anything in my sketchbooks. I doubt that I didn't draw those years but I may have been focusing on painting then, or done some loose drawings somewhere. Apologies for the quality of some of those images too... I guess they didn't like being squished, so much detail was lost!

My initial thoughts about my development so far is: what on earth have I been wasting my years on? Surely in 13 years I should have improved more? I seem to have made leaps of progress some years and then promptly forgotten it, returning to the stale thoughtless sketches I often do when I am feeling uninspired but have a need to draw. I guess that is the price I have to pay for choosing to keep art as a hobby and trying to juggle study, work and family as well.

Viewing my work collectively like this does have its positives though. I do seem to have my own style when it comes to sketching, which I never before recognised. I also seem to have tried out a few different media, techniques and genres too, so that is nice to realise. And there are some themes I keep going back to, which I should really pursue in the future...

Beginnings

Like most artists, when it comes to creativity my mind is chaos. I dabble in everything, change my mind halfway, lose patience and then get obsessed with something new. Any order that i try to impose gets ripped apart, intentions and ideas get lost, lessons learned get forgotten and rediscovered years later. It's true chaos and there is never enough time to do everything you wanted to.

For me, art is just a hobby and as such it often has to take a back seat. Yet it drives my life, always lurking just underneath everything i do and feel. Waiting for that moment when it takes over. I made a choice to keep it for myself, to not make it into a profession where it might become a burden, to not force it in a box full of constraints and expectations. And so it roams free, unbridled, always looking for some outlet into my reality... always looking for some inspiration.

And that is what i live for - that moment of inspiration where the rest of the world melts into nothingness. All mundane routines, thoughts and anxieties get replaced with vibrant color, shape and texture. That sensory overload that paralyses and resonates through every fibre of my being.

So this is my creative journey of finding that inspiration, trying out new things, making mistakes, learning, looking back and reminiscing. I just need a way to capture it. Like a meticulously drawn map of the seas. Like a butterfly pinned to a board. Cruel, i know. You can't box inspiration. You can't put it in a jar for later use. You can't cut it to size and fit it in a blog. But you can damn well try!