Not a sad post

This is the third time I try to write this post.

I've been meaning to post since I finished the work-in-progress from my last blog entry. That was three weeks ago. A whole three weeks that I have been scratching away at lines. Threading and rethreading. Patching, mending thoughts into something sensible.

I was feeling good about getting back into sketching... feeling good about finishing something after such a long pause. And then I saw the date of that last post - the day before what should have been my 10th year anniversary. And quite coincidentally, the idea for how to finish it stemmed from a photograph taken a few months after we were married.

So on this third try, it's finally become clear to me. This post is not about the reasons I didn't blog. It is not about art block, pain or sadness. Not even about reflecting back on the past and what's been. It's simply about completion. So I will accept and appreciate it - the end of a good story; and I will revel in it - the excitement and unlimited potential of something new....

Work in Progress - Floating dreams

Art for me is like baking artisan bread. You decide you want to cook a loaf, so you begin with the starter. You mix it up and let it sit for a while - maybe hours, maybe days - letting the yeast grow and develop its flavours. Next, you knead in the rest of the dough - sometimes quick, sometimes slow - and let it rise till it grows some more. Then you shape it - perhaps round, perhaps oval - and let it rest again. Finally, you slash and bake it, adjusting the heat and checking the temperature, until you have the final thing... and a beautifully smelling house. (But not always yummy tasting bread!).

Just like bread, I can't rush art. My original works begin with one idea and change their form multiple times. Drawings are less mutable than paintings, but even then, those changes are sometimes drastic. With different phases new ideas and ingredients get added, deflating the original but adding something new - maybe good, maybe bad. Sometimes I forget where I was heading with the original thing, and sometimes I don't even have a plan. I let it develop its own flavour, grow on its own, and who knows what will happen.

So with that in mind, I thought I'd share a work in progress that I am currently mulling over.

It started off with the idea of dreaming, capturing what it feels like when you let your mind float - consciously or sub-consciously. And somehow the concept of floating seems to have surfaced - perhaps in water, perhaps amongst sea weeds... But I am quite stuck with it now, I just don't know what to do next. The bottom of the picture is severely lacking - maybe I should just define the neck and shoulders?

Portfolio 2 - Patterns

The second recurring theme in my art is patterns. It seems to be emerging more and more in my recent work. I wonder why... In fact, it was weird finding some pattern work back from 1997. I didn't know it was such a long running thing. And I wonder what else I am doing now that will emerge to become a prominent theme in the future.

Patterns in my art have many meanings i suppose. I think a couple of years ago they emerged as a way of allowing me to soothe my mind. But recently, they have become a form of expression - symbolism for the insubstantial things that can't be drawn, like emotions... and thoughts. I think the combination of people and patterns could definitely develop to be a style of my own... one day.

Portfolio 1 - McCurry's Portraits

Recently, I read Katherine's "Make your own art!" blog post, which talks about the principles behind creating unique art. One of the first recommendations she made was to create a portfolio view of your work. Inspired by the connections she discovered in her own art in doing that, I thought i would follow that advice.

The first portfolio that I thought i would make is the easiest: Steve McCurry's portraits. Ever since i was little, i have been fascinated by portraiture. Faces have so much to tell! Every crease, blemish and wrinkle has its own story; the slightest muscle movement can convey so much emotion. So when the book "Portraits" came out, I had to have it.

I call the drawings that i do from his book my "lazy drawings". They are the ones i do when i have a need to draw but don't have the energy (or inspiration) to come up with something of my own. I was never good at drawing from my imagination, so references are really important to me. And finding references for an idea I've had can be really excruciating sometimes, if not impossible.

So having a book full of portraits that i will happily draw gives me the equipment i need to just focus on technique. I work on my mark making, on "seeing" shapes rather than what they represent and on capturing the personality, the likeness of the person. I think with time I have become much quicker at these. My latest portraits (the ones in black pen) are a full A4 size as opposed to the tiny ones i did before, and that is why they might seem a lot smoother. That, and the fact that i now use a finer ball point pen. In fact I almost feel like i have lost something because of that... maybe some texture? Some spontaneity?

Looking back...

Before I could delve into what I have learnt over the past few years, I wanted to make a collage of the art I have done so far. And that took forever! I didn't realise I had so much art to scan in. So here goes nothing...

The collage is ordered chronologically from top to bottom, starting from 1997 through till 2010. Initially I wanted to have a line per year, but there were a couple of years for which I couldn't find anything in my sketchbooks. I doubt that I didn't draw those years but I may have been focusing on painting then, or done some loose drawings somewhere. Apologies for the quality of some of those images too... I guess they didn't like being squished, so much detail was lost!

My initial thoughts about my development so far is: what on earth have I been wasting my years on? Surely in 13 years I should have improved more? I seem to have made leaps of progress some years and then promptly forgotten it, returning to the stale thoughtless sketches I often do when I am feeling uninspired but have a need to draw. I guess that is the price I have to pay for choosing to keep art as a hobby and trying to juggle study, work and family as well.

Viewing my work collectively like this does have its positives though. I do seem to have my own style when it comes to sketching, which I never before recognised. I also seem to have tried out a few different media, techniques and genres too, so that is nice to realise. And there are some themes I keep going back to, which I should really pursue in the future...

Beginnings

Like most artists, when it comes to creativity my mind is chaos. I dabble in everything, change my mind halfway, lose patience and then get obsessed with something new. Any order that i try to impose gets ripped apart, intentions and ideas get lost, lessons learned get forgotten and rediscovered years later. It's true chaos and there is never enough time to do everything you wanted to.

For me, art is just a hobby and as such it often has to take a back seat. Yet it drives my life, always lurking just underneath everything i do and feel. Waiting for that moment when it takes over. I made a choice to keep it for myself, to not make it into a profession where it might become a burden, to not force it in a box full of constraints and expectations. And so it roams free, unbridled, always looking for some outlet into my reality... always looking for some inspiration.

And that is what i live for - that moment of inspiration where the rest of the world melts into nothingness. All mundane routines, thoughts and anxieties get replaced with vibrant color, shape and texture. That sensory overload that paralyses and resonates through every fibre of my being.

So this is my creative journey of finding that inspiration, trying out new things, making mistakes, learning, looking back and reminiscing. I just need a way to capture it. Like a meticulously drawn map of the seas. Like a butterfly pinned to a board. Cruel, i know. You can't box inspiration. You can't put it in a jar for later use. You can't cut it to size and fit it in a blog. But you can damn well try!